I deactivated my Sosh Meeds

And activated my self-esteem. (Hopefully, tbd.)

In the last 12-16 hours, you may have seen a delightful video on the internet, went to share it with me and noticed I was missing from both Instagram and TikTok. I don’t want you to worry - I am fine. Everything is fine.

Sort of.

A little comic I drew, based on a phone convo last week.

Basically, my self-esteem and focus are both trash, so I’ve decided to deactivate my accounts in what my therapist likes to call, “a little experiment.” (Of course, I did this yesterday, without talking to her about it first. But, as she’s said before, “[I’m] good at being my own therapist when [I] need to” so I think she’d sign off on this. And yes, this is a brag, but I just said my self-esteem is trash, so let me have it, huh?)

Like all good experiments, I’m testing a hypothesis: my creativity, specifically my capacity for creation, is being directly affected by not only time spent on social media, but how I compare myself, my content and my life, on social platforms.

Whew. When I tell you - the weight - that lifted in the first 5 minutes of deactivating my accounts. Palpable! I relaxed into myself. And look, we’re already seeing results: I SAT DOWN TO WRITE THIS SUBSTACK. That’s gotta be something. And not only that, this morning, I started hearing my own thoughts again. Sure, some of them are yucky, but I’m hearing my voice of reason telling those yucky thoughts to get f*cked*. (That was for dramatic effect - they’re more like “no, no. That’s not true.”)

The true test, of course, will be if I sit down to write the content series I’ve been noodling on. Or maybe draw some more comics. Leave the house. Do anything to get the ideas fueling.

Or will I just fill the time I would otherwise be spending on sosh meeds, watching Reba? Another tbd.

Have you found yourself feeling similarly? Do you take social media breaks? Or do you just have words of encouragement? I’d love to read it all.

Did I mention I’m happy you’re here? ‘Cuz I really am.

xo Nicole